At any moment in time there are approximately 2 billion pieces of data coming in through our five senses every second, but you are only consciously aware of about 150 bits per second because that’s all your conscious mind can handle. When sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feelings that are constantly being downloaded into your mind, your brain needs a way to let in only information that is useful to you.
This is where your Reticular Activating System (RAS) comes in. Your RAS is a filter within your brain which decides which information that is taken in will actually get the attention of your conscious mind.
So how does your RAS do this? What helps it decide what information is allowed and what gets rejected?
The RAS sorts through the information based your beliefs. Everything that matches your beliefs will be able to pass through this filter. Everything that does not match your beliefs CANNOT pass through the filter!
Let’s say that as a kid growing up you had witnessed how your mother suffered from constant abuse by your father and he happens to be very successful in his career. So when searching for a partner as an adult, you tell yourself you do not want someone like your father. But somehow you keep encountering the same type of men and the same dysfunctional relationships.
What has happened is you have been looking for your man through the filter of ‘successful men are jerks’. Unknowing to you, your RAS has been bringing men of this category to your attention and leaving those in the category of ‘men can be both successful and kind to women’ out of your radar. Even if a highly desirable man with all the qualities that you want is standing right next to you, you will NOT RECOGNISE him!
Sounds depressing right?
Despair not!
The good news is you CAN change your filters so that your RAS will look out for the right partner for you. And you can do that without the fuss and frustration that most people go through.
“But how will I know what do my filters or unconscious beliefs look like?” you may ask.
As a process coach I can teach you how you can easily access your subconscious mind, identify your filters, and apply simple mind transformation processes to quickly collapse the beliefs that hold up your filters. Why rely on someone else to solve your problems when you can equip yourself with the skills to do the same for yourself? If you apply my techniques just for 20 minutes daily, you will become a different person in 2 weeks.
Anger As A Cover-up for Shame
Frequent explosive anger can cause a great deal of havoc in relationships, both personal and professional. Angry people find themselves increasingly isolated. Other people do not want to be near someone who is likely to become hostile or filled with rage.
Families and friends eventually get sick and tired of walking on eggshells with you to avoid getting hurt. The tension and hostility causes frustration and resentment in the very people who you want to support and love you.
You may find yourself the labeled as a ‘bad-tempered person’. And you may also somehow have the sickening feeling that this ‘character flaw’ of yours is going to be stuck with you forever. But the truth is this is not who you really are.
Explosive anger actually comes from a deep sense of powerlessness, inadequacy, and despair, which is another description for shame. The anger outbursts are just a cover-up to avoid feeling shame.
Shame is often initially created when you were hurt and wounded by people who were important to you in some way. As a child, you could have been humiliated and treated disrespectfully in some way. Shame builds up across time and leads to the global belief of "I am unworthy. I am unlovable. I am bad. I am not good enough."
Such beliefs create enormous tension and the accompanying anxiety that you will be ridiculed when found out. When you are imprisoned by shame, the perceived flaws within yourself are so humiliating that you will go to extreme lengths to hide them. Like flaring up at another person to get them to back off!
It is essential to understand that you were not responsible for the shaming that happened to you as a child, since children naturally believe all that their parents, grandparents, and teachers tell them. However you do have responsibility as an adult now to change those untruths you have unconsciously believed in for so long.
Your anger affects not only your life, but the lives of others as well, especially that of your children. If you are unhappy with the isolation that was brought on by your explosive streak, you can heal those relationships by first healing yourself of those shame-based memories. Once your memories are healed, you will begin to treat yourself and those around you with more compassion. What used to trigger rage in you will no longer affect you the same way.
Families and friends eventually get sick and tired of walking on eggshells with you to avoid getting hurt. The tension and hostility causes frustration and resentment in the very people who you want to support and love you.
You may find yourself the labeled as a ‘bad-tempered person’. And you may also somehow have the sickening feeling that this ‘character flaw’ of yours is going to be stuck with you forever. But the truth is this is not who you really are.
Explosive anger actually comes from a deep sense of powerlessness, inadequacy, and despair, which is another description for shame. The anger outbursts are just a cover-up to avoid feeling shame.
Shame is often initially created when you were hurt and wounded by people who were important to you in some way. As a child, you could have been humiliated and treated disrespectfully in some way. Shame builds up across time and leads to the global belief of "I am unworthy. I am unlovable. I am bad. I am not good enough."
Such beliefs create enormous tension and the accompanying anxiety that you will be ridiculed when found out. When you are imprisoned by shame, the perceived flaws within yourself are so humiliating that you will go to extreme lengths to hide them. Like flaring up at another person to get them to back off!
It is essential to understand that you were not responsible for the shaming that happened to you as a child, since children naturally believe all that their parents, grandparents, and teachers tell them. However you do have responsibility as an adult now to change those untruths you have unconsciously believed in for so long.
Your anger affects not only your life, but the lives of others as well, especially that of your children. If you are unhappy with the isolation that was brought on by your explosive streak, you can heal those relationships by first healing yourself of those shame-based memories. Once your memories are healed, you will begin to treat yourself and those around you with more compassion. What used to trigger rage in you will no longer affect you the same way.
Why Do People With Low Self-Esteem Suffer From Fear and Anxiety?
Do you find yourself feeling fear, anxiety or panic whenever you encounter the following situations?
• think you have said or done something stupid, especially when you think others have noticed it
• when you cannot perform a certain task that needs to be accomplished
• or when you are unsure of what to expect from a situation or people
These experiences stem from low self-esteem and one of the main causes is a strong need for approval. This is one of the biggest obstacles that low self-esteem sufferers need to overcome. It might help to start becoming aware of how you might be seeking approval of others. For example:
Do you choose the design of your car, apartment, furniture, clothes and accessories based on how pleasing it will look to others, despite having a preference for something else?
Do you ask everyone else for their opinion before you make a decision?
Do you worry excessively about how you look in front of others?
When engaging in conversations do you try hard to appear interesting, knowledgeable or funny?
Are you afraid to say "No" out of fear of how people might think of you?
Do you do activities just to impress others?
The need for approval from others is such a deeply ingrained habit of thought that you may not realize the extent of influence it has on your life unless you stop and think about it. And so long as you continue to seek approval from external sources, your level of self-esteem confidence will always remain low.
This is because a chronic reliance on others' opinion and approval means that you are never sure of your own judgment and choices. It is from trial and error that you learn what works for you and what does not. Every mistake you experience allows you to make better choices the next time.
In time you will become highly proficient in making decisions that produce the best outcome for you, which leads to increased confidence and security in your own judgment.
The approval you have been seeking has to really come from you alone. If you learn to give constant unconditional approval to yourself, you will not be affected easily by others opinion of you, good or bad. When you finally reach this stage, fear and anxiety shall become a thing of the past.
Evelyn Yeo is a Process Coach who teaches people how to remove negative beliefs with simple mind process techniques via Skype.
To begin your healing journey, book a free 30 minute trial online coaching session with Evelyn here.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Evelyn_Yeo
Introduction
Do you find it hard to get your partner commit to your relationship?
Do you attract the same abusive relationship again and again?
Do you find it difficult to get close to someone?
Is your partner threatening to walk out of your relationship?
Are you always in conflict with your family members, colleagues or superiors?
Do you feel undervalued by the significant people in your life?
The above problems all have one thing in common. You guessed it. They all have to do with unloving relationships.
Do you attract the same abusive relationship again and again?
Do you find it difficult to get close to someone?
Is your partner threatening to walk out of your relationship?
Are you always in conflict with your family members, colleagues or superiors?
Do you feel undervalued by the significant people in your life?
The above problems all have one thing in common. You guessed it. They all have to do with unloving relationships.
But do you know what the root cause of all these problems are?
Your unloving relationship with yourself.
Why do I say that?
The most important relationship you will ever have is the one that you have with yourself. You are with you all the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The relationship you have with yourself is the foundation from which every other relationship you have is built. You will not be able to have healthy relationships with other people until you have a loving relationship with yourself.
Perhaps you are struggling with this concept. After all, you have been ingrained with this age old belief “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself”. You have been told that you should always put other’s interest above yours and it is wrong to love yourself. The emphasis has always been on ‘loving the neighbor’. Anytime you try to love yourself you become paralyzed with shame and guilt.
But if you understand this at a deeper level, you will realize what this means is that you will only love your neighbor as much as you love yourself. If you love yourself only a little, you will also love your neighbor a little. Didn’t God himself tell us to “Love others as much as we love ourselves”?
You know you do not love yourself very much if your mind contains these beliefs:-
I am unlovable
I am insignificant
I am worthless
I am hopeless
I am stupid
I am not good enough
I am unforgivable
I am a failure
I am undeserving
In my coaching sessions, I will teach you how to erase these self-sabotaging beliefs so that you can replace them with those that empower you to create fulfilling relationships.
Traditional psychological methods like psychotherapy and counseling can take years before any significant results can be obtained. The advantage of working with me is that you get to learn cutting edge mind process technologies that dissolve your negative beliefs in as quickly as one session.
Call me today for a free demonstration at 65-96980688. You may also like to send in your enquiries to mindstuffalchemy@gmail.com.
Sincerely,
Evelyn Yeo
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